I had one of those revelations last night, the kind that you are not surprised about deep down and yet you’re taken aback when you have them. My closest friends look forward to my blog posts. Not because of my engaging writing style, no! No! No! But because it’s the only way they can keep up with what is happening in my life.
Childhood friends are the ones that see you through your most embarrassing moments, predict your moves in a fight, and crack jokes about your worst crises in life because they’re allowed. Very few, very lucky people get to have childhood friends in their lives.
Fewer, luckier people get to find friends of the same breed later in life. I’ve been in that category. I was gifted the ones who should have been my childhood friends at 16 years of age. And you know the thing that I admire the most about them?
The number of times I’ve messed up and the number of ways in which I’ve messed up with them is enough to cause a messy divorce with a spouse whose face you wouldn’t intend on seeing again in this lifetime. They have too, but let’s not get there because that would take me right back in the messy divorce margin. But they have simply never given up on me! And they’ve probably come close to it quite a bit.
There are two instances I remember very clearly – one is when I was in a terrible place in my life and took it out on the ones closest to me much more than I was allowed to. One of them called me up one time to bring it to my notice and I ended up snapping at her and making her cry, and all she said to me through her sobs, before she cut the call, was ‘This is how you get. This is exactly what I’m trying to tell you about. This is what we’re all worried about. You really need to do something about it.‘
These are moments when you feel your love and respect for the person wash over you. Suddenly you realize how much the person means to you, to what extent they’re ready to go for you and how close you came to losing them. This strengthening of bonds over time is the real beauty of life to me.
The other time is pretty recent when I stood facing three deeply hurt friends and one of them screamed ‘Give someone else a chance to fuck up in this group!‘ It’s one of the worst moments in my life till now.
That’s when I began to distance myself from them. I have been away for a while now, because I was afraid of messing up and losing them in the process of finding myself and my balance with newly important things.
And they? They’ve been secretly reading my blog posts trying to keep up with my life, without giving up on me. Giving up would have been a very human and understandable thing to do, after the way I’ve been with them.
Reading my blog posts and telling me to my face that it’s the only way they get me anymore, without sugar-coating it – that’s the friend thing to do. And that’s something extremely few, extremely lucky people get.
And this post is out of sheer gratitude for it.
I mean, I’ve held a grudge against Excel movies for a long time now. They used to practically tell the same story in a different setting each time – a group of friends who have fallen apart for various reasons and have a lot of issues on their individual fronts and then the story of how they solve their personal issues and regain their lost friendship.
And I’ve seen the same movie a lot of different ways – Be it ‘Dil Chahta Hai‘, ‘Rock On‘, ‘Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara‘, the series of ‘The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants‘ or whatever other movie people can think of in that category. The problem with such concepts is that they are clichés until you live them and then they make sense.
Gen. D keeps saying ‘Money is not the important thing you earn in life, relationships are.‘ My uncle said something along the same lines once, while relating his love story to us cousins on his wedding anniversary – ‘Those days, we didn’t have a lot of money,‘ he said, ‘we earned people.‘ These things are said so easily, it’s ridiculous at times. Having people and relationships is not the same as earning them. Investing your heart there and making sure you value the people enough to take care to not lose them is earning them.
So, it’s important to know the difference between having earned someone and being lucky enough to have them in your life. Today, what I’m feeling is gratefulness over having been so lucky.
World, there’s a lot of places I want to see and a lot of your people I want to come across; but what I will treasure the most about you is always having that one place in you where I belong, and the people I have to come back to.
If you have people who have seen your Jekyll and your Hyde and are still willing over years and years to never leave your side? If you have people who take time out to read your blog posts just to remain updated on your life, when you have not spoken to them in a long time because of your own insecurities? That’s the luckiest you can get in life.
So this is just to wish the same for all your other people. I don’t know how many people in the world don’t get a home or friends or someone to call their own but here’s praying that they all get it, because I’ve been lucky enough to feel the beauty of it.