Since I am writing to you after an incredibly long time, I won’t indulge in small talk or I might just end up losing my nerve or inclination or something in the meantime.
A while ago, I had a conversation with my sister. It was a ‘what could possibly be the reason the object of my affection hasn’t called or messaged me in a while?‘ conversation. I don’t know how many of your people have encountered that conversation, but I’m assuming a lot of women (and secretly men too) might find it familiar. I was gleefully playing the coach, who gets to give a dose of the tough love with the ‘get a grip and stop acting like a loser, sissypants!‘ lines. Or the more ‘get a grip and stop acting like a loser, sweetheart! I only say this with love,‘ version of it.
Let’s face it, either way it’s always more fun being the coach than being the one sniffling into your handkerchief wondering why nobody understands the magnitude of your existential crisis. So, I was bloated from savoring every bit of the chance I got.
And just when I was thinking how great it feels to bask in it like that, a tiny drizzle took place on my picnic. It seems a lot of the lines I was giving her had a ‘Ya man! That totally makes sense!‘ response coming from within me. Turns out there was a gloomy figure, shoulders drooping with the weight of the existential crisis inside me right then, ready with the handkerchief. Watch out for that one, coaches! Always, always makes an unexpected appearance.
But moral of the story is the pieces of wisdom I spouted ended up inspiring me. I needed them just as much as she did, if not more.
And for the last two days, my handkerchief has been somewhat damp because I had forgotten it. So I’m going to share it with your people. May it find its way to whoever needs it.
I never understood or agreed when my friends and loved ones used to tell me in different ways to not make the one I love the focal point of my life. I understand and agree with it now but I don’t know if I will in the future either. Because with humans there’s always the problem of making mistakes and no guarantee of learning from it. So this is as much for me as for any of your people.
What I’m trying to say is, in such situations when someone says the three dreadful words ‘get a life‘, take them as seriously as you would take them if they asked you to get treated for dengue or clinical depression or lice. Not by taking a few steps back from the one you love, ‘ignoring’ them, keeping your feelings in check or playing hard-to-get; because the problem in such cases really is with you, not with them.
It simply means that at this point in time nothing in your life excites you more than them; which is a serious cause of worry. Sit down immediately and jot down five things that excite you as much as them in your life, if not more. And don’t let yourself flow in theory of it’s bound to happen this way because you’re in love. Rack your brains hard to find minimum five things and push your heart a bit. Out of those five things that you find, you will end up working towards three and finally pursuing at least one.
And then, you will come back every day from that one thing that becomes your mission and both of you will hang up your weapons for the day, clinking beers and exchanging the stories. That will any day be more fun than daintily sipping wine with your head on his strong shoulder, looking at him all starry-eyed, when he relates his sagas, and going ‘Aww! My hero!‘
Forget about reminding them who you are and why they fell in love with you. That’s the reason most people will give you, but forget about it. If that’s the route you’re going for then you need to worry.
And when I say mission, I don’t mean that you find yourself a responsibility or something that goes along the lines of ‘complete my post-graduation’, or ‘save the world’, or ‘earn a fortune’ unless those things really excite you the way the one you love does. Look for excitement and you’ll find your mission too. It’ll be something that excites you about yourself.
There could be a million reasons the one you love hasn’t called or messaged in a while. A definite one is that they have a lot to keep them busy. A lot of things they want or the one thing in life they were born to do or love passionately calls out to them and they must run to it so they can come back to you and share it with you. While you run to them, make them your mission and wonder what to come back to.
And that’s when I remembered that writing to you was a sort of mission as well. The #365 project is a mission. So here I am. Signing off today with just one piece of advice for your people and for me when I forget it.
Have a mission.