Today, I promised to tell you what had me all overwhelmed yesterday. It’s nothing big really. A few days ago I would have given anything to simply see someone back home alive, safe and sound – anything at all. Yesterday, I saw the same someone alive, tired, somewhat bruised and yet getting back to their element.
I don’t know if any of you out there relate to this but sometimes no matter how much you look at a loved one, it just isn’t enough. Especially when it has just hit you (not at all in the way that you would want it to) just how much they mean to you and how you can never afford to lose them again. Hearing them talk about how they’re going to go to sleep early that night is enough to choke you up with relief sometimes. Watching them laugh at a movie scene or having them crack a joke or even seeing them get impatient and irritated for that matter when an errand takes more time than it should can make your heart brim with contentment and emotion.
How would you tell someone, that you love them beyond words (and when words were what you have been the most in love with since the 1st grade)? How would you tell someone just what it means to get to see them be themselves before you for so many hours when at one point you prayed that even if they never saw you again, let them just have a long, healthy, hearty life where they get to enjoy being themselves till their last day? How would you tell them that their happiness and well-being has come to matter so much to you that you would give all you have to just never have those put at risk again? That the conflict is between never losing them again and them having a full life even if you had to lose them for it? That they went through whatever they did and no doubt that was a thousand times worse than whatever you went through back at home but now every small thing that they do typical of them overwhelms you so much that you start laughing and crying at the same time so grateful to just have them that way?
These are things you somehow cannot bring yourself to tell them. Because even as I type them, they’re convoluted and way too vulnerable to be put out there. Besides, what would be the point of telling them all this? The point is that they’re right there in front of your eyes and you find yourself profusely thanking God for it out of nowhere.
And yes, sometimes you can tell the whole world about it and not tell that person because that person, believe it or not, has become more magnified against the canvas of your life than the world. So telling the world is no big deal really. In fact, if there are people out there reading this and have experienced what I am talking about, you end up telling people, that you understand exactly what a vulnerable, irrational and lunatic heart they have, that it’s not alone and that you relate to them. I’ve felt my fair share of love, so I can tell those weird-hearted people in the world this extremely cheesy and filmy line – It’s ok to be scared of losing the ones you love. But do NOT be scared of love. It gives you strength like nothing else does.
And take a moment to really thank God, not just for yourself but for the ones you love; because unless there’s a situation where you’re made to fall on your knees and pray with all you have to just have them back, you wouldn’t give a second thought to how lucky YOU are even to just have them live and be themselves – whether or not they are with you in your life.
With that, I sign off and I’ll write to you again very soon, World.
PS – To be fair, I began writing this post before midnight yesterday, so it still counts as #359. Look out for #358 today. 😉