I have been at a serious loss of topics to talk to you about already and it’s just day 362! Let’s face it – that’s exactly why I need you! But a while ago today, I was talking to someone about amusement park rides. My last memory of a really good one? May 2009, the ‘Space Shot’ ride at Genting Highlands, Malaysia. A minute before we were thrown from the clouds to the place where we last remembered feeling ground below our feet, my brother was welling up next to me and I was offering him a quivering apology for forcing him to get on the ride with me and promising him he’d enjoy it.
And we were thrown – thrown into finally releasing and realizing all the built up fear, into the cold, sharp breaths swiftly cutting through our throats and getting hot in our cheeks, into trembling legs and our whole being throbbing to a mad pulse, into screaming with such abandon that’s enviable every single time I think back to it. In retrospect, literature always lets us glorify such moments as adrenaline rush, but at that point in time it’s one scream – that’s it! No worries about who we are, where we are in any rat race or even how we’re looking while doing what we’re doing – just one scream so thoroughly in sync with life that everything else is drowned out. I even miss the stumble in my step once I finally walked on ground again. We left our screams in the timeless space; it’s more fun than leaving your footprints in the sands of time apparently.
Closing my eyes and picturing it, the memory is a fine one but I really can’t feel that abandon and that surrender that the scream gives you. You see that in children as you grow up and that more than anything else makes you miss your childhood and want it back. Then you simply learn to count the moments when you’re lucky enough to feel it. Or if you’re blessed with a true passion for something or love for something or someone, you will be lucky enough to have a constant medium to feel it. Sadly, I haven’t felt it with the rains on my face or sinking my teeth into food to die for or with tears down my eyes or even with my words stumbling on a page. And yet, this isn’t a cry for help. I’m actually proud to say it really isn’t.
To get to the part where you let go and scream on an amusement park ride, you have to first sign up for nerves and a queasy stomach and then actually, physically put yourself where nerves are a given and queasy stomach is a definite possibility. And someone wise recently made me realize that it’s going to be the same with seeing you, World. So this is me strapping on the belt and making sure I go nowhere. I’ve begun what I believe will lead me to you. And for once I’m not looking down and wondering how on earth will I ever do this! Meet me soon and inspire me, World! Until then, I’ll enjoy the ride. 😉
PS – The secret to enjoying the ride more is actually looking down. But we’ll get to that stage too. Soon. 😛